letter from Dr. Diana Kirschner

Dearest reader,

You thought you had met the One — the person you’d spend forever with. Then it all came crashing down. Now, you’re left picking up the pieces, feeling hurt or betrayed. 

Can you relate?
If only relationships came with a guarantee of perpetual happiness and understanding, but sadly they don’t. Even in the most evolved soulmate relationships, feelings are bound to get hurt in some way. The problem is that pain often starts to weigh us down and prevents us from moving forward. We hold grudges. We close down to try to protect ourselves. And as a result, we miss out on all the joy, excitement and love that life is trying to offer us. 
Today is the day to give yourself the gift of new love. Yes, it’s really possible for you! Here’s what to do to move forward:
Forgive yourself. Keep beating yourself up for choosing the wrong person or for missing the red flags? Remember, you did the best you could at the time. 

Vent your feelings. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. It’s okay! Stuffing our emotions down with Ben & Jerry’s will not help. 
Make the choice to let go. While it’s crucial to feel your feelings, it’s also important to work through them. As much as the situation has hurt you, remember that you always have a choice. You can continue to feel bad or define yourself as a victim. Or you can choose to move forward. Replaying what happened over and over again in your head isn’t going to help you. It just makes you feel bad. So every time you catch yourself ruminating, stop, and refocus your attention on something more positive.
Don’t assume the future will be the same as the past. Past relationships and situations don’t have to reflect the future. YOU get to create your future. Just because you’ve been with someone who has cheated, treated you badly, or broken your heart, doesn’t mean all men are jerks. Choose to let the past make you a better person, not a bitter person. Look at how this experience has helped you grow into a stronger, more amazing woman.
Take responsibility moving forward. Make a promise to yourself that you will choose more trustworthy guys, not bad boys. Reassure your frightened inner child that you will operate from the side of you that is like a self-loving inner parent (what I call your Diamond Self identity) and  will be observant and discerning. Is this guy a flirt? Does he oogle other women? What is his track record in relationships? Does he have a loving stable relationship with family and friends?  Is he self-centered or being of service to others? Does he have a spiritual program or a God of his understanding? Trust your gut instinct!
Date around. I always recommend dating more than one person at once for awhile. Hold off on commitment until a guy proves himself. As I talk about in my book Love in 90 Days, dating around helps you stay more aware of your Deadly Dating Patterns (such as choosing narcissists or settling for crumbs) and allows you to compare and contrast how different men treat you. It will also boost your confidence! 
Focus on becoming your best self. Make self-love a priority. Do something special for yourself each day. Take care of yourself. Write yourself love notes. Give yourself the love and care you are looking for. 
Sending you love,
Dr. Diana 

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