You had what seemed like a wonderful first date. He was cute and charming. The conversation flowed. You even shared some great laughs. As he gave you a kiss goodbye, he said he’d give you a call. And then… nothing.
As the days go by, you start to wonder if he changed his mind because of something you said or did. Maybe it was that one joke you didn’t laugh at? Or perhaps you shouldn’t have worn your hair up? Feeling rejected, you swear off dating and bury yourself in a tub of Ben & Jerry’s frozen yogurt and a series of bad reality shows.
Does this resonate with you?
Just like with any area of life, rejection is inevitable with dating. But, because dating is more personal, even the slightest brush-off can send you into a spiral of self-doubt. While giving up on dating all together might be tempting, it will only hurt you more in the long run and prevent you from creating the relationship you truly desire.
So, today, I invite you to transform how you see rejection. Here are nine keys to changing your perspective so you can move on and even turn it into something positive.
It’s not about you. Trust me when I tell you this: Just like women, men have their own deadly dating patterns. I’ve spent so many hours working with men who really wanted to settle down but struggled with deeply ingrained blocks to intimacy. So many of us second-guess ourselves with thoughts like: “It ended because of something I said or did, or something I didn’t say or do.” Sometimes a guy is so entrenched in his own “stuff” that he will play out the same scenario with the next six women he meets. It has nothing to do with you.
Not everyone likes peaches. You can’t be everyone’s type. Just like you’re attracted to certain characteristics in a man, so is he. Remember this: You can be the prettiest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be some people who just don’t like peaches. It’s not personal!
Rejection is protection. Often times, we don’t really even know the people who are rejecting us. Rather, we’ve developed a picture of how amazing we think they are. So, if you’re down because a man didn’t reply to your last message or didn’t follow up after a date, remind yourself that you don’t even really know him. Just like everyone else, he has negative qualities.
You didn’t miss out on the love of your life. I truly believe that what is meant to be will not pass you by. This setback happened for a greater reason. I’ve had so many Love Mentoring Coaching clients come to me convinced a certain man who got away was “the one.” Then when we start coaching, they meet someone even more amazing… who does pursue them and wants to commit!
It’s his loss. It’s true! Why would you want someone who didn’t see how amazing you are?
Keep your eye on the prize. There are approximately 41 million single men in the U.S. alone right now, and new ones are always coming on the market. As long as you keep dating, you will meet another person you like even more. So many women experience a few setbacks, then just give up. Instead, approach dating as if you’re looking for a job. If you wanted a new job and needed money, wouldn’t you keep at it? Quitting isn’t a option. And, every no brings you closer to your yes.
Don’t take dating so seriously. There will be men who don’t text back and maybe even some bad dates. Expect setbacks and laugh them off. At the very least, you’ll have some great stories to tell.
This isn’t a new pain. Often times much of the pain from rejection stems from our past experiences, especially childhood traumas. Understanding this can help you breakthrough the difficult emotions. What would you tell yourself if you were your own loving parent? Give yourself the nurturing you’re longing for.
Look for opportunities to grow. If you’re repeatedly experiencing rejection, ask yourself what you might need to change. Are you choosing players and bad boys? If so, it’s time to date against type and give guys you wouldn’t ordinarily go out with a chance. Are you not getting the interest you’d like in your dating profile? If so, it might be time to revamp it with some flirty lines and new photos. How might you be sabotaging yourself? Remember, this isn’t about blaming yourself or beating yourself up. We are all always growing!
So there you have it!
I promise you, someday soon you’ll look back and not even care that someone didn’t ask you on a second date… because you’ll be with someone much better.
And if you’re serious about finding the one, that happens to be my specialty! Sign up now for a FREE one-on-one session with one of my expert dating and relationship coaches.